Never back down

Do y'all have a friend that you would do anything for? Not hypothetically speaking. You've literally done most, if not all, of the things they've ever asked you to do?

I have a small group of friends. Genna, Nicole, Keri, Mary, and Brittany. I live with Genna. I am best-best friends with Nicole. Keri and Mary both live hours away but, we've still been able to maintain a friendship. And Brittany is the newcomer. I don't see Brittany often. When I do, though? It's like time hasn't passed. I love each and every relationship with my friends. The six of us aren't all friends. And, by that I mean, Brittany has never met Mary and Mary doesn't keep in contact with anyone but me. I'm all special like that.

There is one friend though, out of the aforementioned five, that I would do anything, and have done most everything, she's asked me to do. I know that I bend over backwards for this person. I know I go out of my way 99% of the time to do something nice for her (asked or not). I also know that it's hardly ever reciprocated. I know that most times I'm her back-up plan. And, I know that I'm getting tired of it. Tired of not being appreciated. Of being taken for granted. Of allowing myself to accept the latter two.

Until recently? I never felt unappreciated nor taken for granted. I love doing things for other people. Especially for her. I guess part of me knows how much she's gone through and feels the need to be there for her. To do things for her that no one else has ever done. To love her unconditionally and care about her. I'm not saying no one has ever done this for her. She does have parents. But, sometimes? Those parents? Weren't there when she needed them the most. And, sometimes, friends? Were busy with other things.

She's not one to openly talk about her feelings or problems. She keeps them bottled up. At the same time, she'll expect you to know that she's having a hard time and want you to be there for her. I've tried to read into her mannerisms, body language, and words. Sometimes I succeed at getting to the root of her frustration. Sometimes I don't. But, I've always tried.

It's not a friendship I care to lose. In fact, it's one that I love and would be heartbroken if it ever ended. Having said that, I'm not backing down any more. I'm refusing to be the back-up plan. And, I won't allow myself to be treated badly by her.

I don't feel that she's completely aware of how she makes me feel. Actually, I know she doesn't. I also know that she takes more time and pays more attention to people who beat her down mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. She caters to those relationships and forgets about the ones that have been there for years. The ones that, ultimately, will remain in tact after the bad ones break.

I love her. And, if she reads this, I hope she knows that it's her. I hope she knows that I love her and care about her. I hope she sees what I've done and takes a moment to appreciate what a great friend I am. What a great friend I will continue to be. But, a great friend who is going to demand respect. I'm not backing down. Not again.